I have always had the passion to travel like most people. In the past three years, I had the chance to explore a few countries with contrasting cultures. The size of the country, the living condition of people and their lifestyle differed drastically. However one commonality I found amongst all these countries was that basic etiquettes and manners are shared by all. This basic sense is not just preserved with a few literate people or the elite class, but was exhibited by almost everyone I had an interaction with.
For a moment I would pause to think, this courtesy and these kind gestures are exactly what our religion emphasizes on, then how come I fail to observe anything close to this in my very own country Pakistan. During my visits to these beautiful countries, I observed that if you glance at someone and they look back, it’s but natural to smile and move on.
We often blame the hardships caused by society and the living conditions at large for the harsh behavior of our people. I would restrict my blog to the so called literate elites of the country whom I see living a very content life with all the luxuries life has to offer. I see no reason for frustration amongst this class. Then why can’t we expect this small segment to act human when it comes to basic manners.
Let’s begin with small instances that I encounter on a day to day basis.
- While driving cautiously on the roads of Karachi, observing the mirrors to ensure my car is at a safe distance from the bikes and rikshaws surrounding my car, I sight a man in office attire, wearing very cool sun shades, holding a laptop bag trying to dodge cars to cross the road as this is the only means of crossing a road due to the absence of pedestrian bridges. I start slowing down to stop to allow the man to cross. The moment I stop, I hear cars, bikes, buses all honking at once. While I take on the wrath of people around me for committing a grave mistake of stopping my car to allow the man to safely cross the road, I see the man very slowly walk from this footpath to the other without having to utter the simple words “Thank You”. Oh I’m sorry, am I asking for too much, oh then he could have simply waved his hand to show gratitude.
- Every time food is served at a wedding, I try and wait till the bulk of the aunties and uncles and the rowdy children have filled their plates and there is room enough for me to calmly pick out some food in my plate without ending up with oil stains on my my sleeves with the careless behavior of folks around me carrying mountains of biryani in their plate, rubbing the plate against each and everyone that comes in their way. When I thought it was safe for me to be out there trying my luck with the food, I picked up the spoon, searched for a white piece of chicken and rested it on my plate. As soon as I am to let go off the spoon, another aunty with her hands drenched in oil grabbed the spoon from my hand. Aaahh, not that I am going to run away with the spoon so wait for your turn, Please!
- Going to the tailor is a big hassle almost every woman living in Pakistan has to face. There are mistakes, alterations and God knows what not. I hate going to the tailor which is why I make two visits to my tailor in a span of twelve months. I can see raised eyebrows with the thought “What kind of a girl is this? She does not go to the tailor every third day to get the latest print of lawn stitched?” Anyways, I walk into my tailor’s shop with 6 months of stock in my hand. I see two fat aunties standing at the counter inquiring from the tailor why they can’t fit in that skimpy looking outfit. I very calmly make my way to the bench and wait for my turn. As I wait, a woman enters and walks right past me to the counter. Slides her Gucci sun glasses above her forehead, waits exactly 40 seconds while stamping her feet on the ground, suddenly interrupts “Master sahib these women I am sure will take a lot of time, can you please quickly give me my clothes?” Uh Hello, mam do you not see that those women are not done yet and also that I am in the queue?
- On my way out of the gym while I am almost half way out of the door, I see another woman entering at blazing speed. I pause; take a few steps back to allow her way before she completely bumps into me. The woman very confidently walks past me while I am holding the door open for her without saying Thank you or a mere courteous smile. Why do people act as if it’s their birth right to be treated a King or Queen?
- TGIF (Thank God it’s Friday) is a phrase we all utter every week. We plan to run our chores, prioritize lunches / dinners with friends and family. Sunday morning, after having breakfast with family, I comfortably rest on the couch in the living room in my pajamas, sipping coffee and reading paper. The door bell rings and I see an aunty walk right in. I, in my not so great attire greet her with a question mark on my face, “Are we expecting you? Did you call before barging in?” and rush back to my room. Even a man riding on a ghada gaarhi has a cell phone!
I think you all get the picture of what I am trying to explain here. All the instances mentioned above involve people who wear nice clothes, live in luxurious houses, drive comfortable cars, and indulge in the best cuisines, posses at least the basic if not high level education from the most prestigious schools. I often say that the general public at large is so frustrated with their living conditions that I do not expect a person who can barely afford one meal a day for his family, lives in a broken house and has no hope for a better tomorrow, to exhibit courteous behavior.
I fail to understand why such basic etiquettes are absolutely absent from the segment of people I mentioned above. What frustrations do they have in life that does not allow them to be humble and courteous?
